things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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