she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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