she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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