I'm gonna have a badass scar
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
