Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
