I think i peed on brittanys purse
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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