You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
