i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
