I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
