just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
