new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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