Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
