I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
