who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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