So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
