If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
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he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
