i wish my penis had a tongue
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
