Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
