everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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