Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
