The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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