i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
