It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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