I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
