Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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