The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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