I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
