she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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