I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
