she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
