I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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