Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize