we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
