Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
