i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
