Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
