Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
