So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
