Even the bartender felt bad for me
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
