I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Let the clothes fall where they may.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
