69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
