I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just pee around me
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
