do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
