Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
