stop calling my apartment porn island.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
