Only a mothe r could love this liver
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
