I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
