I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Still dying that you shit outside
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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