I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
