nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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