either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
