I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
