Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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