No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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