i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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