D3 body, D1 cock
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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