Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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