she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
