dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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