so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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