i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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