I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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