I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
