If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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