i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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