I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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