Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
In America we eat man semen.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
