it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
