Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize