last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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