and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
