if i died would you start the facebook group?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
