Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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