Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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