Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
