When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
