And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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