time to smoke my breakfast
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
ttyl tear gas
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i've created a new STD.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
