I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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