a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
