bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
