im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
