It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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