a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
