can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
